Unless you’re living under a rock or actually have a life, you probably heard about the Xbox 360. It’s the next generation console that Microsoft is producing, and, among other things, it will have 3 superfast processors, tons of memory, wireless networking and controllers, and a little circle of light on the front that changes colors. Now, we all know that the circle of light will make the thing cool, but a lot of people are asking “But what will the games be like?” I was walking down the street the other day, and found this list of games Team Xbox has planned for the new console. Then I found $5.

Action Platformer that’s really trying, but will never be as good as Sony’s

“Adult” Fighting Game (later pulled from shelves by Microsoft after outcry from Right wing groups)

Crashing Racer that’s almost as good, but not quite, as Burnout

Good Looking RPG that hardcore gamers swear is worth buying an Xbox 360 for, but is, in reality, really boring

“Here’s Your Chance To Blow Stuff Up In HDTV”

No Puzzle Games: Xbox 360 is for Grown Ups, Kids

Shoddy Ports of Great PC Games

Halo 3. Also, Halo 4, Halo 5, and Halo 6. Microsoft: “Wow, isn’t Halo GREAT? Don’t you just LOVE it? Please buy our games.”

Sports games that you would buy if EA’s weren’t so good

EA’s sports games

About five million licensed games. All but one will suck.

Fight Each Other Online. Now with more guns!

Voodoo Vince 2. I can’t wait!