First the iPod Hi-Fi, and then Apple thinks it can charge $9.99 for a Disney Made for TV movie.

Inside the Apple Boardroom

Steve Jobs: Hey guys, how’s it going this week?

Exec #1: Good.

Exec #2: Not too shabby.

Jobs: Great! Now guys, things are really jumping around here lately. I’m sure you’ve heard of the iPod. We’ve sold millions in–

Exec #1 and Exec #2: –the past year and over one billion songs in the ITMS.

Exec #1: Yes, yes, we know, Steve.

Exec #2: You say it every time we meet like this.

Steve: Yes, well, it’s important. We need to support our customers. And we’re doing just that with the MacBook Pro, which is over–

Exec #1: Four times faster yadda yadda yadda. Listen, Steve, we’ve been talking. Without you.

Exec #2: Yeah, without you. And we’ve come up with a new plan.

Steve: A new plan? Well, innovation is always good. What exactly do you have in mind?

Exec #1: “Have in mind,” he says.

Exec #2: Listen, Steve. It’s not just something we have in mind. It’s something we’re going to do. It’s money.

Exec #1: We need money, Steve. Lots of it.

Steve: Money? Well didn’t you guys get the last iPod checks? I–

Exec #2: Steve, trust us. The iPod checks are small change. Joe over there used to work for big tobacco. He knows.

Joe: Hey. He’s right.

Exec #2: So cut the iPod crap. Here’s what we’re going to do.

Exec #1: You’ve built up a customer base again, and that’s good. All we’re going to do is put it into play.

Steve: Put it into play? I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand…

Exec #2: Let me lay it out for ya, Steve-o. We’re going to put out crap. Really crap. Joe’s been working on a piece of stereo junk that we’re going to sell for upwards of $300.

Joe: Yup. It’s cool. Made it out of an eight track player!

Exec #2: Shut up, Joe. And we think your little plan of $3 movies on ITMS is a little low. More like three times low. Try 9.99, Jobster.

Steve: What? The customers will never go for that!

Exec #1: Of course they will. We’re Apple! Everyone owns an iPod, remember? People love us. The whole first shipment of Macbooks was broken, and nobody said a peep! Remember when the nano screens cracked? People whined a bit, but did sales drop? No way, Jose.

Joe: Huh?

Exec #1: I said Jose, not Joe. Go design a leather iPod case, idiot.

Joe: Ok.

Steve: All right, well let’s say that people do go for this crap at high prices. I’m in charge here. What makes you think I’m going to let you get away with this? You still have to have a conference to announce these things, right? I have to be there. You can’t do this without me, and I’ll never go along with it.

Exec #2: Yeah, that’s a real concern. You know what, Steve? We already planned for that.

Exec #1: Yup. You’re going to do this press conference for the iPod Hi-Fi whether you like it or not.

Steve: The iPod Hi-Fi? That’s a terrible name!

Exec #2: Joe came up with that, too.

Steve: What makes you think I’m going to do this?

Exec #1: Because we’ve got someone, Steve. Someone you don’t want to get hurt.

Steve: Oh, no! You didn’t!

Exec #2: Oh, we did. Bring him in boys.

Woz: Hey Steve! HOW ARE YA!

Steve: *sigh*. I’ll do what you want. Just don’t hurt him.

Woz: Hey Steverino! Hey, I gotta tell you, it was tough eating my words about that Intel thing. But it’s good to see you!

Steve: Guys, you’re going to have to get him out of here.

Exec #2: Ok, let’s move out guys. Get that Hi-Fi ready.

Woz: Hey, where are you guys moving me? Did I ever tell you about the time I made a computer in my garage?? Also, I think the iPod is a “distraction”!! You guys should totally spin it off, right? Seriously!