“Hello, and thank you for calling HP. Can I get your phone number?”

“Yeah, hey, how’s it going. Listen, I have a question for you.”

“Sir, I’ll need your phone number to continue.”

“No, it’s cool, I lost that little registration card that came with the printer when I bought it.”

“Well, we do ask that in the future, you register your HP products. What can I help you with today?”

“Yeah, listen, I have a problem with my connection I need to know something about the cables.”

“Ok, you’re saying you have a problem with your connection. The first thing we’re going to do is plug and unplug all the cables. Just grab the–”

“No, my question is, can I use a nonstandard DP parallel cable with your LaserJet 2820?”

“A what? Nonstandard?”

“Yeah, I bought a new cable because my dog ate my other one, but it’s not working. Do nonstandard cables work with the 2820?”

“Ummm… sir, I’m sorry, but I don’t have any experience with that particular problem. Let me just ask my supervisor.”

“Never mind. I’ll just look online.”

*

“Hello and thank you for calling AT&T Internet. My name is Lisa, can I help you?”

“Yeah, Lisa. My internet is out. It’s not working.”

“Ok, I can help you with that. First, you’re going to have to let me know what kind of router you have. You’ll just have to look on the–”

“Right, look on the bottom. I know, I already did. It’s a H324 model C.”

“Oh, a model C. Ok. Now the next thing we’ll have to do is called a ‘power cycle.’ A ‘power cycle’ is where we’re going to–”

“Lisa, I know what a ‘power cycle’ is. I did that three times. Look, I know about all this stuff. I’ve been playing around with computers for years. I just need to know what’s wrong with my Internet, and when it’ll be fixed.”

“Ok, I can help you with that problem. We’ll just say the router is properly connected. Now, did you restart your computer?”

“Yes, Lisa, I did. Many times. Listen, I just think there’s an outage on my local outer network. Can you check and see if one has come up?”

“I’m checking. Well. It looks like there is an outage in your area.”

“Great. When’s the fix coming?”

“I’m sorry, I don’t have any information on that, sir.”

*

“Hello, and thanks for calling Apple. How can I help you today?”

“Yeah, I have a question about my iPod.”

“Ok, that is something we can help you with. What’s the question?”

“Well, I hacked it open. I’m trying to hook up my video camera to it, so I can record my movies directly to the hard drive. What I want to know is this: exactly what codec do you guys use for playback?”

“Codec? You hooked your camera up to it directly? I don’t think that’s even possible.”

“Oh, it is. At least I think it is, I almost got it. So what codec is running in this thing?”

“Uh, I’ll have to check with my supervisor.”

“Never mind, I’ll look online.”

*

“Pizza Hut, delivery or pickup?”

“Hey, I’m trying to place an order online, and your website is really slow. I can hardly get through.”

“Place an order online? Why did you call?”

“Don’t you support your website? Oh, wait, there it goes. I got it working now.”

“Did you just want to order through the phone?”

“Nope, it’s working alright now. Later.”

*

“Hello, and thanks for calling Linksys. This is Mark, can I help you?”

“Yeah, hey Mark. My parents’ router is busted, I can’t get it to connect up to the Internet. Any ideas?”

“Ok, that shouldn’t be a problem. The first thing we’ll have to do is power cycle–”

“Sigh. Look, Mark, I know what a power cycle is. I got power cycles down pat. It’s not the power cycle.”

“Did you cycle the router and then the computer?”

“Did I… What?”

“Did you cycle the router and then the computer? They need to be cycled in a certain order. Is that what you did?”

“…”

“Are you still there, sir?”

“No, actually. That’s not what I did at all.”

“Maybe you should try that.”

“I–”

“I’ll wait.”

“Ummm, Mark?”

“Yes sir?”

“That worked.”

“Great. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

“Wow. No. It’s fixed.”

“Great! Thanks for calling Linksys. You have a good day now.”