Hey folks! Here’s a quick excerpt from one of the stories in my ebook short story collection, The Shape of Teeth, available for sale right here on mikeschramm.com this coming Friday, December 30th!
A minute or two passes. The bus doesn’t come. The man in the gray suit takes out a handkerchief, wipes his forehead, and puts the handkerchief away.
“Man,” says the second man, the one in the gray suit. “I hope this bus shows up soon.”
“It won’t,” says the first man. “At least not for a while.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Think about it,” says the man in the black suit. “The bus coming is probably the end of whatever story we’re in. Something will happen, the bus will show up, and the story will end.”
“Yeah? Well we should make something happen then,” says the second man, excitedly. “You made that llama appear earlier. I bet we can just say what will happen and then it will!” He takes a step out into the street and screams into the sky. “Right then a million bucks appeared! And a steak dinner for free! And then a hundred naked beautiful nymphomaniac cheerleaders showed up!”
“I don’t think it’s that kind of story,” says the man in the black suit.
The second man steps back on the curb and sits down. Another moment passes.
What’s that? You want another excerpt from another story? Here you go!
“I fully respect the opinions and findings of the research team,” said Commander Me’reth into the microphone. She was careful to keep her face calm and her tone strong, despite knowing that her exact image in quantum duplicate was being broadcast across light years to the committee’s various homeworlds and stations. “It’s true, there is something important about Earth that surely the chronometer activity has shown. But I entreat you to find another way — there is too much beauty and power in this world to simply destroy it.”
The committee chairman arched an eyebrow at the commander and templed his long fingers in front of him. Grauthor was a relatively young Senator — he’d risen to power quickly on his homeworld (some suggested through less-than-appropriate means, though they’d never suggest that publicly or in front of the chairman himself), and already installed himself on some of the Senate’s most important committees. There were rumors that he was headed for the consul seat, but Me’reth didn’t believe it. Birthright or not, she imagined that the thin, ruthless Senator Grauthor of Arydon had nothing less than a full Emperorship in his sights. It was heresy, of course, to suggest that anyone would usurp the Emperor, but if anyone could do it, Grauthor would try. Maybe they should set up a research team to study the chronometers on that.
“Are you suggesting, commander,” asked Grauthor in a gravelly voice with the slightest hint of a sneer on his face, “that we should place this tiny, insignificant blue pinprick up above the soverignty of our Lord Emperor and his realm?” Me’reth didn’t flinch. “You claim the chronometers are not to be doubted, but if that’s true, this drop of filthy, backwoods water may someday present a threat to our families, our children, our very way of life! Pardon me, commander, but I would have it recorded that such a claim, if indeed you are saying so, borders on treason and even heresy itself!”
Oh man, I would pay A BILLION DOLLARS to be able to read both of those stories in full along with the 12 or so other stories in the collection! And the foreword by Mark “Turpster” Turpin! And the full glossary, and all sorts of little bits and pieces and addons! A billion dollars!
Well you don’t have to, because The Shape of Teeth epub is only seven dollars. That’s right, when it comes out on Friday, you’ll be able to buy it for only $7.
And as if that wasn’t enough, there’s also a Deluxe Edition available for $3 more, or just ten dollars. Ten dollars is cheaper than going to a movie theater in Los Angeles, and if you live in a place where going to see a movie is cheaper than ten dollars, then you should probably go see a movie. But then skip your dinner that night, because seriously, ten dollars isn’t much at all.
And what do you get with this Deluxe Edition? Why, two more stories, which you will probably love (or loathe, who knows), AND an mp3 of me, Mike Schramm, reading three of the stories from the book. What’s that? You want an excerpt of that mp3? Why, here you go friends!
What an incredible deal! What a purchase you can make to end your year! Please come back here to mikeschramm.com on Friday, and buy your copy, standard or Deluxe, of The Shape of Teeth! I will really appreciate it. Thank you very much!
Posted on Thursday, December 29th, 2011 at 12:59 am. Filed under general.