I’ve been playing God of War III. It looks good and all, and it’s a good game, but man, I’m having trouble lining up some of the combos in the right places. Oh, and Kratos is kind of a jerk.

P.S. I wrote this thinking it would be funny and then after I finished it, it wasn’t. I’m not sure if that’s because it’s not funny, or because I’ve just had it in my head too long. Either way, here you go. Not everything I do is as funny as I think it should be.

Kratos walks up the mountain, scowling angrily.

Hestia: Kratos, thank goodness you’re here! Poseidon is going nuts — you’ve got to stop him!

Poseidon: You’ll never be able to stop me, Kratos! The might of Olympus is all-powerful!

Kratos: We’ll see about that. I will have my revenge! (kills Poseidon)

Hestia: Thanks, Kratos! I appreciate it. Oh no, look out! It’s Apollo!

Apollo: You are mine now, Kratos! Your quest ends here!

Kratos: (kills Apollo)

Hestia: Whew, that was a close one. Thanks again, Kratos. So, uh, what do you think we should —

Kratos: (kills Hestia)

Hades: So, Kratos, I see you are short on loyalty. But I have a deal you won’t be able to turn away from. What would you say to —

Kratos: (kills Hades)

Dionysus: Don’t kill me, Kratos! I see now that the gods were wrong! We were wrong! I pledge my loyalty to you! Just please, save my life!

Kratos: (says nothing)

Dionysus: Oh crap. You’re going to kill me, aren’t —

Kratos: (kills Dionysus)

Zeus: KRATOS! I am here to end this madness! Your time has come!

Kratos: I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!

[They fight. Kratos kills Zeus.]

Hera: Whew. I’m glad all that’s over. So Kratos, how about we –

Kratos: (kills Hera)

Bowser: RRaaggghhh!

Kratos: (kills Bowser)

Toad: I’m sorry, Kratos, but your princess is in another –

Kratos: (kills Toad)

Highlander: Who are –

Kratos: (kills Highlander)

Punisher: Oh. You’re here. Well, this is awkward.