A guy proposed to a girl in China by lining up 99 new iPhones (in their boxes) in the shape of a heart. She said no.

Nobody actually knew what he said to her before that, though. Until now.

What the iPhone Proposer Probably Said

Well, hello there! You’re probably wondering why I’ve asked you here. You’re probably wondering why I asked you to come here, and stand with me in front of all your friends and family, and surrounded by this heart made out of 99 brand new iPhone 6s. I’ll get to the iPhones in a second. The reason I’ve asked you here, dear lady, is that I want to ask you to marry me.

No — wait! Don’t answer yet! Unless your answer is yes, but it sure looked like you were starting with an N sound so don’t answer yet! Did I mention there are 99 iPhones here?

This isn’t just about these iPhones, however, which definitely cost me a pretty penny on my programmer’s salary. All right, yes, junior programmer, but you don’t need to bring that up again. No, my lady, this is about you. It’s about how beautiful I think you are, and how you will be the best possible wife for me.

No, don’t shake your head in disbelief — it’s true. Remember when we were going to go out to dinner together, and I made you come pick me up from my workplace, and then I told you to come inside and find me because I wasn’t sure which lot you’d parked in? Remember — you said that there was only one lot in the building, and I said that was true, but you should come in anyway to meet me and my coworkers. You asked why, and then I told you that there was free food inside. You told me no, and that you weren’t feeling great and didn’t want to meet people, and I told you that the food was homemade especially for you and that you should come in. Finally, you came in, and then you met my coworkers for those 15 seconds or so? Remember that? They loved you. Specifically, they couldn’t believe you were dating me, but we proved them wrong, baby! We proved them wrong!

Seriously — don’t say anything yet.

I asked your friends to come here and see this today because you haven’t let me meet them yet. Now that we have — I do have some concerns. Your friend Teresa is a little strange, and what’s with that guy named Trent that you know? When I went through your phone to get everyone’s contact information without you knowing, you had like 10 recent calls in the past week with him. That’s weird, isn’t it? No, don’t answer yet — we’ll have a long talk about that after this proposal is over and we’re finally engaged. The way we were meant to be.

See, babe, the reason I bought all these iPhones for you is that I want to give you everything you ask for, everything you need from me. I want to give it to you 100 times over. The love you said you were missing lately during our date the other night? I want to give you that 100 times over. The respect you said I need to give you more of? 100 times that, baby. The general decency that you asked me if I had right after I didn’t pick you up from the airport because I was almost done with a speedrun of Call of Duty: Black Ops 2? I’m going to give you that 100 times over, girl. I mean — I do have to speedrun Ghosts at some point, so during that, I probably can’t. But all other times, definitely.

So remember that time we were watching TV, and I spent 20 minutes telling you how great the new iPhones were and you finally sighed and said they seemed cool? Well, I got you 100 iPhones, baby. And they’re all here, arranged in a heart shape. Because a heart means love. That’s why they’re in a heart shape.

Oh, and the reason there’s 99 iPhones instead of 100 is because I had to keep one for myself. I mean, I wasn’t going to buy 100 iPhones and give them all away, right? You understand.

Which brings me to the reason why we’re both here, surrounded by your family and friends and the one co-worker of mine that showed up. I’m going to get down on one knee right here, girl, because I’ve got a question to ask you. And it’s nothing like that time that I asked you if you’d put on a few extra pounds, because this time I think we’re both going to know the answer. Especially if that answer is yes, because that’s what I’m hoping to hear from you. We have to move quickly on this too, because I’m supposed to start that speedrun soon.

What I’m trying to say, my beautiful love, is: Will you marry me? Wait, where are you going? Those are iPhones — don’t kick those! Babe?

Posted on Tuesday, November 11th, 2014 at 1:05 am. Filed under general.
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