Today’s Dear Mrs. Zulkey hits scarily close to home. If someone is angry at me, I apologize. Update: Today’s dino comic also cuts a little too deep. What is this, internet introspection day?

The other day I heard this joke about “President” (shudder) Bush:

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing.

He concludes by saying: “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed.”

“OH NO!” the President exclaims. “That’s terrible!”

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, “How many is a brazillion?”

Then, yesterday, Bush said the Arabian company that might take over a bunch of ports should be held to no different standards than a “Great British company.” Although it’s been used before, that’s quite the adjectival phrase. I wonder if Dubya has a problem with the whole “names of countries” thing.

(this is a lot funnier if you pronounce everything with that smirky Texas accent)

State of the Union 2007

Good evening, my fellow Americans.

As some of yall may have noticed, ever since Iran for office so many years ago, I seem to be having Laos of trouble understandin’ all these foreign countries we got.

Now at first I couldn’t Fiji exactly why I had Togo and learn myself all of these names. America is the country with the most freedom in the world, and with freedom comes power, and with power comes no responsibility at all, right?

But Condi told me I had to learn ‘em all. I admit, I Haiti’d doin’ it. But when she gave me a list of all these countries’ names, it worked like a kick in Dijbouti, and I learned ‘em quick. I don’t know if ya’ll have noticed yet, but I’ve been Russian to use some of them already! Thanks, Condi! I Libya, girl!

Now, my fellow Americans, I’m Ghana talk to ya about the state of the nation. How much time I got to do this? Is that clock set to Central Time or East Timor? Ha!

Ok, thanks, Dick. I know I’ve got to e-Vatican the premises out of here before you get Hungary!

But if I can be Suriname for a moment, ladies and gentlemen of Congress, I want to make education a priority for every single Chile in this country. We’ve got to make sure our kids Congo to college. We’ve got to make sure they’re Guinea get the educations they need! I’m tellin’ ya, kids, we’re going to Armenia with the power of knowledge, and make a clear path for you to walk on! Ain’t nobody going to get in Norway!

Kenya can say an “Amen” for me?

Nobody? What are you all, Estonia? I haven’t done that since college!

But Syria, folks, our Army needs all the funding it can get to Dominica our enemies around the world. And you countries out there, if you oppose us, Albania from the face of the earth. If Uganda behave yourselves, we’ll Burundi you in the sand. Don’t arouse my Ireland.

Oman, I’m almost out of time. Let me just Czech my watch. Rove promised that I’d have enough time, but looks like Egypt me.

In Columbia, ladies and gentlemen, I’d like Jamaica understand what I’m speaking to you about. These are times of great Peru that we live in. But fortunately, freedom isn’t just an idea. or a fake. It Israel. That thought will be, as the Spainish say, our “El Salvador.” And that’s not just something I sit on the France about– I firmly Bolivia it.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. May God Bless Australia.