The FAA has given space tourism a go!

Aboard RocketSpace Airlines

Good evening, RocketSpace passengers, this is your space captain speaking.

We’ll be lifting off from the spaceport here in just a few minutes, so while we have some time, I’d like to go over some of the particulars of your upcoming spaceflight.

First of all, we have to cover the safety procedures. While we here at RocketSpace will of course take every precaution to protect you during your trip, you must know ahead of time that there is a chance, however slim, that we may in fact crash during the voyage. There are lots of things out there in space, and if we hit one, we’re pretty much doomed.

Not to mention that lots of space is as of yet uncharted. Who knows what we’ll run into out there! We might find a new constellation, a new planet forming, or even a never before discovered flesh eating bacteria that will cause us all to die lonely, extremely long and painful deaths in the inky blackness of space! How exciting!

If you’ll follow the arrows down the side of the cabin, you’ll note that they lead to emergency exit doors. Please do not open these, even in the case of an emergency. If you open them, we will all die– if not from lack of oxygen, at least from lack of air pressure. If they are opened too fast, our little heads will all explode inside our space helmets. So that’s a space no-no for you. But don’t worry too much about that.

In just a few minutes, the space stewardesses will be coming around with your in-flight space meal. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the space chicken, or, if you’ve ordered vegetarian, the zero gravity grown space broccoli. After that, if you’d like to enjoy one of our space movies– say, Space Jam, or Mickey Blue Eyes, you may do so.

Please remember that while on board there is no space smoking. Please be space considerate of the others around you, and refrain from making any unnecessary space noise. If you have a space question, be sure to ask a space attendant.

Oh, and if it gets a little cold back there, we’ll be happy to bring you a space heater.

Thanks again for flying RocketSpace, have a great flight.