(I thought today how awesome it would be to have the Hulk’s powers– to throw cars around at will and tear apart buildings. But then I realized I’d never be able to use them…)

UNITED STATES DISTRICT COURT
SOUTHERN DISTRICT OF NEW YORK
———————————————–

EUGENE SLOAN,
Plaintiff

vs.

BRUCE BANNER,
Defendant

————————————————

Plaintiff Eugene Sloan, by his attorney, Steven A. Goldenstein, alleges as follows:

1. That the DEFENDANT did do harm to PLAINTIFF’s automobile by throwing it into a nearby structure. During the recent attack by THE LEADER (known hereby as ARCHVILLIAN), DEFENDANT did change into alterego THE HULK (known hereby as HULK), and proceed to toss various vehicles and debris (light poles, bus stop signs) at ARCHVILLIAN. Among this debris was PLAINTIFF’s 1986 Chevy Cavalier. HULK, PLAINTIFF attests, did grab PLAINTIFF’s Cavalier by the hood, and proceed to toss it at ARCHVILLIAN.

2. Whereupon PLAINTIFF’s car did bounce off of ARCHVILLIAN’s plasma shield and bounce indeterminately into nearby residential building.

3. Upon aforementioned toss by HULK, PLAINTIFF, standing nearby, does attest that he heard DEFENDANT scream “Hulk smash!,” thus proving damage to car and surroundings was completely intentional and avoidable.

4.. HULK later was able to defeat ARCHVILLIAN during battle when SPIDERMAN appeared to tie ARCHVILLIAN’s hands with webs. This face has no bearing upon lawsuit, and is included only for completeness.

WHEREFORE, PLAINTIFF respectfully requests that Court enter judgement:

a) Replacement cost of PLAINTIFF’s car, totalling, but not limited to, $4,000.

b) Medical and therapeutic costs for duress suffered by PLAINTIFF, totalling, but not limited to, $4,000, as defined by US MEDICAL CORP., INC.

c) PLAINTIFF also reserves the right to request mandated medical and therapy services for DEFENDANT, specifically anger management classes– as PLAINTIFF does not seem to show anger without growing large, green, and throwing cars around without apparent cause.

along with such other and further relief as this Court may deem just, reasonable, and proper.

Dated: New York, New York
July 14, 2006

Steven A. Goldenstein (SG-3948)
Attorney for Plaintiff
1239 S. Broadway Ave.
New York, New York 10017