In early summer of 2005, a group of resolute marines attempted a takeover of the Gulf of Oman. Fighting for their lives against an ardent enemy, a tough Middle East atmosphere, and low pings, they tried like hell to steal the other side’s tickets and ownz0r those lamers. This… is their story.

Corporal skinink, 3rd Battalion of the U.S. Marines: We had trouble from the beginning. The carrier had pulled within range, but our first goal was to make it to the mainland, where our checkpoints awaited. It took me a while to find a way off the boat– I fell off the deck and had to respawn a few times. Eventually, I found my way into a boat, and made my way across. But some of us weren’t so lucky.

Private Killer0438, U.S. Marines: We all tried to jump into the helicopters right away, but there were only a few of us that actually knew how to fly them. The first few just sort of ground across the deck of the carrier, and a couple slammed into the jets sitting out, blowing everything up, and killing quite a few of us. We respawned, and finally Fiendman got into one. He’s the only one of us who had bought Battlefield Vietnam, and so he knew how to fly one. We all loaded in, and Fiendman flew us across the ocean to the mainland.

Pilot Fiendman, U.S. Marines: I pwn in a chopper. This one was a little different, because Battlefield 2 is based on modern warfare, but I could still fly it, just like Vietnam. A couple of the idiots didn’t wait until I landed to get out of the chopper, though.

Private as;dlkfjs, U.S. Marines: I tried to type in “How do I use the parachute?” but didn’t get it out in time after I accidentally pressed “e” to leave the chopper. Later, they told me it was “9″. That’s so gay.

Meanwhile, on the other side, the native forces of the MEC were setting up their defense. They were controlled by the MaxX Clan, all of whom were ranked on Counterstrike, and all of whom had been playing Battlefield 2 since the demo was released a few days ago.

Captain [MaxX]smythe, MEC Forces: I jumped into a jet right away, and flew over to check out how the other side were doing. They were all noobs, it was hilarious. I lobbed a few missles at them while they were still standing on the deck of the carrier, and blew a few of them off into the water.

Corporal [MaxX]juniper, MEC Forces: I applied for and recieved Commander rank right away, but spent the first few minutes watching the l4m3rs screw up all over the place. One of them even jumped out of the chopper ahead of time. LoLz0R!!11

Back on the Marines’ side, things weren’t going much better.

Private Onyxxor, U.S. Marines: I couldn’t decide whether I wanted to be a scout or a medic, so at first I chose medic. It went well– I threw out some first aid kits at our base, but nobody was using them. I guess they were all healed when they spawned or whatever. Then, I finally saw this guy die in front of me, so I rushed out to help him, but I got killed too. Screw that, I thought. I switched over to anti-tank, and fired off a couple of rockets at a dude running around, but he was moving so fast that the rockets missed him every time. I typed a few curses at him in the chat channel, and switched to my pistol, but by then he’s seen where I was and killed me. Finally, I decided I should just go ahead and be a standard assault– maybe I should work for my team, and start getting something done right.

Pilot Fiendman, U.S. Marines: That’s pretty much when as;dlkfjs started teamkilling.

Private as;dlkfjs, U.S. Marines: F***ers, why don’t you help me? Take some of these bullets, b1tch3s!!!!11

Private Killer0438, U.S. Marines: as;dlkfjs killed pretty much everyone we had gotten to the mainland. I called “tk!” in the chat channel a few times, but every time we landed, he kept killing members of his own team.

Private as;dlkfjs, U.S. Marines: HAHAAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA OWNZOR YOU A55HOL3S!! @#)($*#@()$*@#)($*@)
(#*$)(@#*$)(@#*$)(@*#)$(@*#)($*)(@*#$)
(@*#$)(*@)#($*(@)#$@

Pilot Fiendman, U.S. Marines: I figured he had to be stopped, somehow, so I decided to ask the administrators of the server, the MaxX clan, if they would kick him for teamkilling us.

Corporal [MaxX]juniper, MEC Forces: It was hilarious. One of their guys, who must have been like 12 or 13 on his parent’s computer, was teamkilling all of them where they stood. They asked if we would ban him from our game, but I couldn’t stop laughing.

Captain [MaxX]smythe, MEC Forces: I would have banned him, I really would have. But I was too busy blowing up their radar station. Boy, did they suck.

And as it happened, on that day in early summer, the U.S. Marines wouldn’t make the foothold they so needed.

Corporal skinink, 3rd Battalion of the U.S. Marines: I tried yelling at my team a few times, but they were such idiots. And as;dlkfjs kept teamkilling everybody. I quit the server.

Corporal [MaxX]juniper, MEC Forces: Pretty soon, we had them all spawning back at their home base, and just camped them until their tickets ran out. Man, it was beautiful. Ugly for them, but beautiful for us. Those noobs will know that they shouldn’t mess with the MaxX clan ever again. LOL!

Pilot Fiendman, U.S. Marines: Our tickets ran out pretty quickly, and we lost big time, something like 300 to 0. I never did get to actually shoot a gun, because I was too busy figuring out the controls or getting killed by as;dlkfjs. Man, Battlefield 2 sucks. I’m not buying that stupid game when it comes out.

Captain [MaxX]smythe, MEC Forces: Battlefield 2 rules. Can’t wait until it releases, and I can warez it! ROXXOR!!

But they will always be remembered in their own time, these brave soldiers who tried to withstand bad control schemes, and teamkilling. For they are.. the heroes of Battlefield 2.