Tonight is the end of Daylight Savings Time, which means that everyone in the Western World will “fall back” at 2 a.m. in their own time zone, adding another hour to their clocks. We’ve recieved a lot of questions about the changeover, and so here are a few Q&As to make sure you’re informed.

Q: What exactly does this mean for my clocks?

A: Because Daylight Savings time is ending, you’ll need to make sure all of your clocks are changed back by one hour sometime after 2 a.m. in your time zone. To make the changeover, in the morning (or evening if you need to wake up early), just walk around the house changing your clocks back an hour one by one.

Q: Why do we fall back?

A: Because in the spring, clocks are pushed forward by an hour. This creates more daylight closer to the working day during the summer, creating longer summer evenings as the sun rotates around the Earth.

Q: No, I mean, why do we change our clocks back? What’s the whole point of Daylight Savings time?

A: Daylight Savings Time was established around 1895, as a method of allowing people to experience more daylight on summer evenings. As electricity spread across the world, it also became very handy for saving energy and preventing traffic accidents. Those are all false flags, however, because the real reason we perform Daylight Savings time is so that winter vampires have more time in the evenings to hunt.

Q: Oh, I guess that makes sense. Wait … what was that about vampires?

A: Daylight Savings has also shown to have both positive and negative effects on the economy (because some stores can stay open later in the summer, but more hours of daylight can also distract consumers from broadcast media and hurt the farming industry). Clock changes have been shown to have an adverse affect on health at times (because it can raise stress and hurt sleep in some people), but it can also allow for more sunlight exposure, and fire departments have made use of the DST change to remind houseowners to change the batteries on their carbon monoxide and fire detectors.

Q: No seriously — did you say winter vampires?

A: Yes. Vampires that only come out at night, during the winter. DST has been much discussed over the years, and there are good reasons both for and against using the system. Currently, the United States…

Q: I’m sorry. Are you saying that vampires are real, and that they come out at night during the winter?

A: Well only winter vampires come out during the winter, but yes. At night. When the clocks are turned back.

Q: But, that’s crazy! There’s no such thing as vampires!

A: Daylight Savings has been shown to ruin people’s health with stress and sleep deprivation, and it can cost the US over a billion dollars a year, not to mention the cost of complexity in terms of keeping up security and automation systems that need to keep track of changing schedules around the world. In short, it’s a huge pain, and frankly, there’s no logical reason to do it every year. The only explanation is that there is a race of winter vampires hunting innocent humans for sport, and they need more time to do it during the winter. They infiltrated the highest levels of government, created a system that would make us think we had more time outside during the summer, only to turn off the lights and bring us inside earlier during the winter, where we are more easily huntable and able to be attacked.

Q: You’re insane. None of that makes any sense.

A: YOU’RE insane if you think I’m going to let the winter vampires get away with it. Down with DST! Don’t turn your clocks back! We can fight these vampires! They won’t take our blood!

Q: This is nuts. I didn’t even care about daylight savings in the first place — all of my clocks are connected to the Internet anyway. I’m out of here!

A: You’ll be sorry when the vampires get you! Don’t turn the clocks back! It’s still 2 a.m.! IT’S STILL 2 A.M.!

Posted on Saturday, November 1st, 2014 at 5:18 pm. Filed under general.
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