David Mamet and Neil LaBute Go Grocery Shopping

DM: Well here we are. Here we’ve come. To this place. The Jewel place. Isn’t this what you wanted?

NL: It isn’t. Not at all. And you know that.

DM: What? You wanted what?

NL: Dominick’s. I told you. About that. Coupons, and all.

DM: You should have said something. That’s what should have happened.

NL: We’re here now, aren’t we? I’ve had my issues. We’re here. Let’s do what the thing is. Did you bring it?

DM: The thing? You bastard.

NL: Did you bring it?

DM: The list is right here. It’s right here, you hear me? First. First is milk. Over there.

NL: In the back?

DM: That’s where they put it. That’s what they do to you, these men. So called.

NL: So called, indeed.

DM: Always reaching, never grabbing. These men. These men and their milk.

NL: Skim? I like skim. 2% is fine, too. I’ve always liked 2%. That would be what I always liked.

DM: What you want. That’s what we’ll get. I need bananas.

NL: They go bad, you know. The bananas. A day, maybe two. Out on the table, and then you’ve got black ones. Bananas, I mean.

DM: They’re fine. Black on the outside, fine on the inside. That’s what happens. Or then you make bread.

NL: What, banana bread?

DM: Indeed.

NL: What else is on it?

DM: Don’t you know? Didn’t you write it?

NL: The list? You’ve got it. I wrote it, but you’ve got it.

DM: We need bread. White, I think. It’s over here.

NL: White, if you don’t want to grow. If you don’t want your vitamins, your grains. That’s what white is.

DM: I like white. I ate it. As a child. And I still like it. Peanut butter, jelly, white. That’s what it’s for.

NL: You’re not a man. White. Honestly.

DM: Don’t tell me what a man is. A man is… A man is what he wants himself to be. Morality? Love? Grains? Wheat? These are for whoever wants them. Not this man. If you want something, be that thing. I want white.

NL: How can you say that? How can you do that? Wheat is strength, is vitality, is 30 cents off with this coupon I brought. I’ll step over you to get it. You are the bastard. White. Wheat, is the thing. Wheat.

DM: Never mind, then. Both.

NL: The list?

DM: Is complete. Is what it is. Grab some chips?

NL: Doritos?

DM: Agreed. More flavor in them. Did you notice that? Right there on the bag, there’s a note that says that.

NL: I saw.

DM: I guess you did. I’ll go through the line. Give me them. The coupons.

NL: The car. I’ll pull it around. Grab me an US Weekly? Saw Lohan on there.

DM: I will. You bastard.



Posted on Monday, June 13th, 2005 at 2:12 pm. Filed under general.
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