Yup, we’re going to attempt the five day update. That means you can find new content here every weekday, without fail. That is, until I fail, at which point we’ll probably drop back to three days. But until then, it should all be fun and games.

If you’re in Chicago, there’s a tiny little piece of mine in Newcity today, so tiny that they didn’t even publish it online. It was edited quite a bit, so maybe I’ll see if I can publish the whole thing up here sometime.

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get to the other side.

“Well, I guess you’d expect there to be something else over there, otherwise why would he go? There’s supposed to be a reason to go over to the other side, but I guess there is nothing, but the chicken goes anyway. He just crosses from [motioning with hands] here to here, and you find out that the chicken did it for no reason. That’s just what they say, I’m not sure why he did it exactly.”

A man walks into a bar. The second man ducks.

“Haven’t you ever heard that joke about the man walking into a bar? He walks in and he says, I don’t know, “Get me a drink!” or something. He says that to the bartender, and then the bartender says… he says… I don’t know… “I’ll get you a drink!” or something like that. You haven’t heard of that? Everyone says it. This is a play on that, like he’s walking into a bar, but it hits him on the head, and so the second one ducks. To miss the metal bar. I’ve heard that joke, people like it. I try to tell you these things, have you heard that? He’s ducking the metal bar.”

Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Giraffes.

“What’s that? Giraffes? Say it again. This one I don’t get. Are you laughing? Your mother’s laughing, too. I’ve heard of these lightbulb jokes, I’d suspect it’s a play on that. This is… Say it one more time. Oh, okay. This is the surrealists, so the answer is giraffes because that doesn’t mean anything. You laugh, but I’m just trying to explain these things. I’m just trying to explain these things, so you all can know about it. You’re still laughing, ok. Ok, I tried. Excuse me. Just trying to tell you.”