A television that’s marginally bigger than the one you own, and probably has fewer features, because it’s on sale for Black Friday – $399

A brand new tablet, bigger, more colorful, and much faster than the one currently collecting dust on your bedside table, that will also collect dust while sitting on your bedside table – $149

A gaming console you don’t need, because you haven’t even put a dent in all of the games available for the consoles you currently own, plus you already have a next-gen console anyway (bundled with two games that you will play for about an hour before deciding that you’d rather play something better) – $349

A selection of brand new movies on DVD and Blu Ray that will be sold for $10 in just two months from now – $24.99 each

Some terrible toys for kids that actually cost us about $4 to make, and are usually sold for $50 and up – $44.99

A high-end coffeemaker appliance that looks exactly like the one your aunt bought for you a few years ago. Isn’t that still under the sink somewhere? Where did you stash that thing after using it only once, anyway? – $60

A portable hard drive that would usually cost you about $85, and totally is not worth waiting in the cold and snow with hundreds of other cheapskates – $75

Some headphones that have been sitting around the store since last February. Please buy them. Please! – $10

A digital camera that’s only marginally better than the one on your phone, but which makes you think of all of the pictures you could be taking and the vacations you could be taking them on, if indeed you had the time or money for vacations, or knew how to actually work a digital camera. Oh, and did we mention this camera was obsolete last August? – $249

A Christmas tree that cost us around $10 and that we’ll sell for $150 in two weeks – $94.99

A top-of-the-line smartphone that’s not any more useful than the one you already own, and will secretly cost you around $2500 over the next two years, in service fees and messaging costs – $0

Fifteen or twenty digitally delivered games you were thinking about buying last year, and will never actually have the time to play, but you might as well buy them just in case, right? – $7.99 each

True satisfaction and happiness with who you are and what you’ve accomplished and collected in life – NOT AVAILABLE FOR SALE! MAYBE NEXT YEAR!

Posted on Friday, November 28th, 2014 at 7:58 pm. Filed under general.
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