I wrote this little thing about hard-to-find videogames for Newcity. Read it. And weep. Or laugh, I forget. One of those.

Today’s mikeschramm.com is half theory, half public service, and all sexy.

Here’s the thing
We started out friends
It was cool, but it was all pretend

So Kelly Clarkson releases her new album “Breakaway” a little while ago, to pretty much little or no fanfare. Clarkson, you’ll remember, is the first winner of the American Idol, and “Breakaway” is her second album. Of course, radio plays it, because radio sucks, but no one who actually listens to music enjoys it because American Idol, of course, sucks.

Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
You dedicated, you took the time
Wasn’t long till I called you mine

Until today, when a few indie rock bloggers start posting that they’ve found their new favorite song. And it’s track number 2 on the album, a candystore pop guitar tune that sounds more like Avril Lavigne than anything else. It’s called “Since U Been Gone,” and all of a sudden, indie rock trendsters everywhere are proclaiming it as the best thing they’ve ever heard.

Yeah, yeah, since you been gone
And all you’d ever hear me say
Is how I picture me with you
That’s all you’d ever hear me say

Kottke is where I first saw it. He, you’ll also remember, is the guy who just started blogging professionally. This is a guy who’s getting paid for letting people read his personal opinions, and his personal opinion is that Kelly Clarkson (singing a song with a title that contains an uppercase “U”) rocks. He references an indie rock message board, and other sites follow suit, proclaiming their love for the “Since U Been Gone.” M. Doughty of Soul Coughing calls it one of his top three songs of all time, and Ted Leo (of Ted Leo and the Pharmacists) even does a cover of the song at a live show. Kelly Clarkson, winner of a contest where people voted for the best singer by phone, seems to have become an overnight indie rock darling.

How can I put it, you put me on
I even fell for that stupid love song
Yeah, yeah, since you been gone

Of course I had to download the song, and check it out. I didn’t hear anything special. It’s catchy, for sure. There’s kind of a trendy hook to it. But it’s nothing I’d want to pay money for. And it’s nothing that would make me replace any of my top three songs, that’s for sure. So what are the chances that Kelly Clarkson has actually conquered indie rock? Not very good, apparently. There’s a lot of talk about how this is all a prank, that all those blogs are trying to trick posers into proclaiming their love for Clarkson’s music. It is a big coincidence that all these hipsters start proclaiming their love on the same day, and so it’s pretty unlikely that this is all true.

But since you been gone
I can breathe for the first time
I’m so movin’ on, yeah, yeah
Thanks to you, now I get, I get what I want
Since you been gone

But… what if it is? What if indie rock has gone mad? What if they’ve finally fallen under the spell of American Idol’s sway? Maybe all of that market testing and commercial appeal record companies have been fine tuning and practicing over the years with Janet Jackson, Madonna, Britney, and so on and so forth– what if they’ve been doing it for so long that they’ve finally perfected it? What if “Since U Been Gone” is actually the pinnacle of pop music– a formulaic tune so formulaic that no one, not even the trendiest of alternative snobs, can avoid its gaze? Maybe, just maybe, Kelly Clarkson and the record companies that back her have finally conquered the world.

I’m so movin’ on, yeah yeah
Thanks to you (thanks to you)
Now I get (I get)
You should know (you should know) that I get
I get what I want

And, when you think about it, there’s no better time. The record companies’ backs are against the wall. First there was the music pirates, and now they have to sue little kids and grandmothers to stop them. iTunes and Napster are one step away from making music stores and record companies obsolete. All kinds of bands are proving that you don’t have be popular to be great. If they’re ever going to come up with the perfect song, the perfect commodity that no one can avoid consuming, now’s the time. And while, sure, Kottke and Haughey might be pulling a prank, what if they aren’t? What if, Kelly Clarkson, with her down home good looks, contest-winning voice, and catchy tune, is actually taking over the world?

You should know (you should know) that I get
I get what I want

Since you been gone
Since you been gone
Since you been gone