On this, the birth of the Spears Spawn, we invite you to read our previous musings on the subject: Have a Baby, One More Time.

And then this: (p.s. I liked the header so much yesterday I’m trying it again. How’s it look?)

If I Was There to Help At the John Roberts Hearings

Chairman: Well, I guess if we don’t have any more questions…

Schramm: Actually, Mr. Chairman, I have just one more question.

Chairman: The Chair passes the floor to the right honorable gentleman from Missouri.

Schramm: Thank you, Mr. Chairman. Mr. Roberts–

Roberts: Yes, sir.

Schramm: You’ve stood in front of this court for days, and you’ve carefully made your way through, avoiding any incriminating questions…

Roberts: Well, I don’t think–

Schramm: Please don’t interrupt me again, Mr. Roberts. As I was saying, you’ve avoided plenty of questions here in the past week. But I have one question which I will make it incumbent upon you to answer. You will answer this final question I have.

Roberts: I don’t think that’s how you’re supposed to use “incumbent,” sir.

Schramm: Silence! Here is my question.

[Pause]

Roberts: Yes, Mr. Schra–

Schramm: I said silence! How, Mr. Roberts, do you feel…

[Dramatic Pause]

Roberts: This doesn’t seem–

Schramm: A third time, silence! My question is, Mr. Roberts, how do you feel about the A-Team?

[Pause]

Roberts: I’m sorry? The what?

Schramm: The A-Team! Who’s your favorite? I bet it’s Face isn’t it? That stupid Face..

Roberts: Pardon me, I think this is quite irregular for these proceedings.

Schramm: No, Howlin’ Mad was the irregular one!

Roberts: I don’t think I–

Chairman: The honorable Mr. Roberts will answer the question.

Schramm: That dude was crazy!

Roberts: I don’t even know what the A-Team is! Was that something Clinton commissioned?

Schramm: Hell no, man! They escaped from a maximum security stockade, and now they’re soldiers of fortune, wanted by the government! But it’s cool because Hannibal is on the jazz!

Roberts: They’re fugitives? Well then, as Supreme Court Justice, I would expect they be brought to justice for these crimes, whatever they are.

Schramm: “Crimes they didn’t commit,” dude. Tell me, have you ever worked with Colonel Decker? Because I think you and he may have met up in Vietnam, am I right?

Roberts: I was never in Vietnam!

Schramm: I knew it! Please answer the question, Mr. Roberts. Who is your favorite A-Team member?

Roberts: Favorite member? I don’t know who any of them are. Is there maybe one that was more just than the other members? Because, you know, I’m trying to be a Justice.

Chairman: Well, Hannibal was pretty just in and of himself. And Amy Allen knew her way around a courtroom, I bet.

Roberts: Ok, well, Hannibal, then. I guess.

Schramm: Hannibal didn’t know justice! There can be only one!

Roberts [increasingly frightened]: What does that mean? Was I wrong?

Schramm: This committee calls to the stand… THE RIGHT HONORABLE B.A. BARACUS!!

[B.A. bursts into the hearing and sits down at the table next to Roberts, cigar a blazin']

Roberts: What is this? I just want my job!

Mr. T: I pity the fool that wants to be justice over me! Get outta here, JR! Go find Dishpan!

Schramm: That’s right! I nominate B. A. for Supreme Court Justice!

Roberts: Wait a minute, you can’t nominate him!

Chairman: I second! All in favor?

[Schramm and B.A. give a nuclear high five, yell "YEAH"]

Chairman: Very well then, all opposed?

Roberts: This–

Chairman: Then it’s settled! B.A., how do you feel about Roe v. Wade?

Mr. T: Womens can do what they want, and ain’t nobody gonna mess with em!

Schramm: Yeah! Now let’s all go get some ice cream!

[All jump in the air, freeze frame, A-Team theme plays]