I just watched Elektra today. I like Jennifer Garner. Mostly. But I didn’t like the movie.

Rob Bowman, Director: Oh my God, you guys. I can’t wait to shoot this movie! It’s going to be amazing!

Production Assistant 1: Well, I’ve worked on quite a few movies in my time. What makes you think this one’s going to be so good?

RB: It’s got ninjas, man!

Production Assistant 2: I agree, ninjas are very awesome.

RB: Wait until you see the ninjas in this movie, man! They flip and fight and kick all kinds of ass!

PA1: That does sound very cool.

RB: And then they have like swords and they can jump around, and they do all kinds of fighting! It’s going to be great!

PA2: Wow, now I am really excited to be working on this movie!

RB: Yeah! And then, when they die, they explode into light!!

PA1: (silence)

PA2: Wait, what? They explode into… light?

RB: It’s going to be cool, man! They’ll just blow up in a flash of light and smoke! BOOM!

PA2: That seems… Why would they do that?

RB: Because it’s cool, man! Boom! Light and smoke, I got the boys over in SFX working on it right now!

PA1: But when we did the research on ninjas, we never found any information that says ninjas will explode in light and smoke. It just doesn’t happen.

PA2: Is there even a reason given in the script for them exploding when they die?

RB: No way man! That’s why it’s mysterious!

PA1: Right. Anyway, we’ve got Jennifer Garner all set to play Elektra. Now, she died in the end of Daredevil, so our movie will probably be a prequel, right?

RB: Nope.

PA1: But, she’s dead. She died in the end of the movie.

RB: Right. We’re bringing her back.

PA1: [sigh]

RB: There’s this mysterious force called Kimarhri that makes you move all fast and stuff. And it can also bring people back from the dead! So she comes back.

PA2: Is this the same mysterious force that makes ninjas explode in light and smoke?

RB: Sure, whatever. Boom!

PA1: Fine, mysterious force, ninjas exploding, I don’t care. But we do need to schedule Jennifer to get her hair dyed, since Elektra’s hair is black in the comics.

RB: Comics?

PA1: You do know this movie is based on a comic book, right?

RB: You mean they made a comic book? I’ll have to have my assistant read it sometime. Anyway, no black hair for Jennifer’s character. She’s a tormented little girl in this movie, black would be too strong.

PA2: Too strong? But in the comics, she was a powerful, scary woman. Matt Murdock…

RB: Who’s that?

PA2: That’s Daredevil? Ben Affleck played him in the movie last year?

RB: Didn’t see it.

PA2: Anyway, in the comics, Matt Murdock was surprised and scared by this powerful, female assassin he met in college. She was freewheeling, immoral and sexy, everything the blind law student Murdock wasn’t. Frank Miller, the comic book artist who created her, was giving Murdock an outlet, a dangerous side, by pairing him with this dangerous Daddy’s little girl, not to mention that the very qualities that made her attractive– her scent, her noiseless, graceful movement– were the same ones that Murdock could recognize with his hightened senses. She was the perfect partner for Murdock, but she was flawed and too dangerous for him, and she eventually died because of it.

PA1: That sounds awesome. Maybe we could portray that in the movie! It seems like there’s a really powerful, interesting tragedy here wrapped in this comic book story, and maybe we can get it captured on film!

RB: Does it have exploding ninjas though?

PA2: Well, no, but you didn’t even explain why the ninjas–

RB: DOES IT?

PA2: Well, no.

RB: All right, then. Exploding ninjas in, interesting and powerful tragedy out. This movie is going to rock! Did I tell you we got this girl who’s going to kiss Jennifer Garner!?!?