I’m fascinated with Batman. I know everything about the guy and all of his friends and enemies. I’ve read every comic, watched every movie multiple times (yes, even the Schmacher ones, though I didn’t enjoy it), and memorized the animated series. Every incarnation of him, every one of his versions and cohorts– I love each and every one of them. I collect Batman memorabilia, and when I finally move into a house, I swear on all that is unholy in Gotham City that one full room will be dedicated to a display of Dark Knight memorabilia. Why, you ask, am I so enamored of the comic book hero in the cape and cowl?

Let me tell you. (Warning: extreme nerdiness ensues, especially in the last answer. If you’re not interested, come back tomorrow.)

1. He has his principles, and he doesn’t give up on them. Ever. In Batman’s eyes, good is good and bad is punished always. Doesn’t matter if it’s some lowly street kid or even Superman himself that does something wrong– if you mess up, you get punished for it, and Batman’s likely the one to punish you. He doesn’t kill, and he works for the law. He’s a vigilante who works for the cause, and only the cause. He doesn’t cower, doesn’t overlook, doesn’t make wrong decisions.

2. He always saves everyone. He’s the World’s Greatest Detective– no matter what scheme is being run around, or how much trouble other superheroes have gotten into, it’s always Batman who figures everything out, and knows what villian has done what. At the end of the story, when all the other heroes have gotten confused and turned against each other, and all the bad guys are hiding behind shadows and secret identities, it’s always, always, always Batman who figures out who’s done what to do, and what’s really going on.

3. He’s human. He’s just a really rich, intelligent guy whose parents were killed who decided to do something about it. He’s a genius– he’s invented all sorts of junk that can get him in and/or out of any given situation, and he’s got– by far– the coolest gadgets ever invented (James Bond would kill to have a Batmobile). Technically, out of all the comic book heroes, Batman is the only one that could actually, theoretically exist. There’s no way that an alien would ever get power from our Earth’s sun, and there’s even less chance that said alien would look so human as to be disguised by a pair of glasses. But there is a chance, albeit small, that a multibillionaire genius heir just might see his parents killed in front of his eyes and decide to dedicate his life to fighting crime.

4. He has the best villians. Seriously. Everybody else is a joke (pun intended) compared to the baddies in Gotham City. Two-Face used to be a District Attorney until he got half his face burnt off, and now tends to see things (and morals) in shades of black and white. Catwoman is a classic cat thief, with a feminine and feline twist. And The Joker is the archetypal Loki character, all insane colors and laughter next to Batman’s somber black stoicy. All of Bat’s villians are characterized by not only insanity, but the need for revenge, which makes them alarmingly close to their own nemesis. Batman himself, also kind of crazed (heck, this is a grown man who dresses up in a batsuit and beats people up) is just a misstep from becoming one of them, and it’s another testament to his greatness that he hasn’t.

5. He has the best sidekicks. Ok, sure, Robin was a joke. He was an obvious marketing mechanic to give the boys who read Batman comics a much lighter role model. But Robin’s gotten much better, especially since he 1) retired as Nightwing, 2) died (killed by the Joker, and the real-life fans who voted to kill him), and 3) split up from Batman. His costume has gotten darker, and his character has also, and Robin is actually kind of cool now. But Batman’s got more than that. Huntress, Oracle (who’s the original Batgirl), the new Batgirl (in that cool black suit), and even Harold (the weird dude who lives in Batman’s basement and fixes his stuff) is awesome. Batman Beyond’s new Batman is the most interesting character they’ve created in a few years, and there, Bruce Wayne is the sidekick. The whole Batfamily is actually pretty cool, which is more than you can say for Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olsen. Finally, there’s Alfred. Say what you want about Nightwing, make fun of Robin if you need to, but there’s no denying that in the history of sidekicks, there’s noone more important, more necessary, more awesome, than good old Alfred.