OMG!! THE UNOFFICIAL HOMEPAGE OF
BILL NIGHY!!!!1

Get up Bill Nighy!! Time for people to read the page!!

Hi! Welcome to the number one place on the Internet for BILL NIGHY fans!! This page is dedicated to the great BILL NIGHY and his terrific acting abilities!!!

CONTENTS

1. Bio
2. FAQs (That stands for Frequently Asked Questions LOL :-) )
3. Pictures
4. Filmography
5. That’s it!!!1!

BIO

NAME: WILLIAM FRANCIS NIGHY

BORN: December 12, 1969

NATIONALITY: English (of course!)

HEIGHT: 6′2″

WEIGHT: 195 lbs.

MARITAL STATUS: Single!! BUT has a “partner”! DON’T WORRY SHE’S FEMALE HE’S NOT GAY!!

FAVORITE COLOR: Blue (NOT green!! lol)

FAVORITE FOOD: Spaghetti!

FAVORITE MOVIE: “Punch Drunk Love”

FAVORITE BOOK: “Parade’s End” by Ford Madox Ford! OMG I haven’t read it but it MUST BE GREAT!!

LIKES: The Rolling Stones, beans on toast, ACTING!, speaking with an English accent, playing VILLIANS! :-)

DISLIKES: Mean people, emo, mushrooms, stuck-up chicks, and the color GREEN! >:-( JK!!1! :-)

Bill Nighy you are such a kidder!! An AWARD WINNING one!!!!

F.A.Q.s

Q: Why did you make a site about Bill Nighy?

A: Because he’s the greatest actor EVER!! Also, he has an awesome voice! AND HAS BEEN IN RADIO!!

Q: Good ANSWER!! What’s the best thing about Bill Nighy?

A: Definitely that he is ENGLISH. Not a lot of actors are!

Q: That’s not true! A lot of actors are English!

A: Not the good ones! Stop talking back, you’re ruining it.

Q: Ok, ok. If Bill Nighy could be a tree, what kind of tree would he be?

A: We can’t ask Bill Nighy that because we are UNOFFICIAL, which means he is too proud to sponsor us. But if we had to guess, we’d say elm. No, wait, birch!

Q: Ash?

A: That would be a good one too.

Q: What’s Bill Nighy’s bestest movie?

A: ALL OF THEM!!! But if we had to pick one, we’d say “Love, Actually.” Or “Underworld.” Or “The Constant Gardener.” All of those.

Q: But you can only pick one!

A: No, we can’t! There are so many good ones!

Q: If Chuck Norris and Bill Nighy got in a fight, who would win??

A: That’s a good one! Chuck Norris is very cool, and would probably try a roundhouse kick! BUT then Bill Nighy would act like ten million Chuck Norrises, and he is such a good Actor that all of Bill Nighy’s Chuck Norrises would win! Then Bill Nighy would perform a monologue from Hamlet!

Q: Or maybe Macbeth?

A: ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!

Q: Do I have any more questions?

A: Nope.

Pictures!

Bill Nighy was with Scarlett Johannson at some awards that were not the Oscars. After this picture, they HAD SEX right there in front of the cameras! WOMEN CANNOT RESIST HIM!!

Bill Nighy plays Viktor in Underworld. If you ask us, he was “Viktor-iffic!!” LOLZORZ!!!

ROCK ON Bill Nighy! Go cry in the corner, David Bowie

Bill Nighy is very thoughtful. He is full of thoughts!

FILMOGRAPHY

-Bill Nighy starred in a bunch of TV shows and radio shows.

-One of the TV shows was called “Ready When You Are Mr. McGill.” LOL!! That’s a strange name

-Then he was in a movie called “Love, Actually.” He played a ROCK STAR, and this movie shot him to STARDOM. Well deserved!

-Underworld: the First one.

-Shawn of the Dead, which I heard was GOOD, but my mom would not let me see it!, because there were zombies! But then I sneaked to my friend’s house and we WATCHED IT!! It was not very scary.

-The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I did not understand this movie. And Bill Nighy was not good in it. BAD MOVIE

-The Girl in the Cafe. This was on the HBO, so I did not watch it. I NEED CABLE! HELP ME BILL NIGHY

-The Constant Gardener. I watched this movie, and was glad that Bill Nighy won in the end. He and that guy from English Patient fought! Over TEA!! (I guess that is what English do.) And then the Patient guy was dead! So Bill Nighy won!! :-)

-Underworld: The Second one. I thought this was not as good because it did not have enough Bill Nighy. NMN!! That means Need More Nighy! rofl

-Pirates of the Carribeans the Next two. these will be so good!

“Doctor Myra Vanderhood” of Pherotones fame has posted a link back to my article about pherotones, and in doing so says some really nice things about me. Thanks, Doc!

At work, we’ve been a little concerned about this whole Alito thing. The Democrats really should filibuster (the guy’s gonna roll back Roe vs. Wade! What’s next, civil rights?), but they’re all too scared to say anything in case the Repubs throw it back against them. But I had an idea. If all of us send John Kerry a case of beer, we just might get him drunk enough to speak his mind!

Kerry’s Drunk Filibuster

“The chair recognizes the honorable… John, are you inebriated? The chair recognizes the inebriated Senator from Massachusetts.”

Kerry stumbles up to the podium, clutching a 40 can that’s clearly empty.

“Thasnks, Mr. Chairmannn. OK, lissen up you suckers. I gotsh something to shay.

Fhirst of alll, you all suck. I meansh it. Even you, Frist! Especially you, Hatch!

Here we gots a man who wantsh to tell wimmen what they have to do with thar bodies! I mean, that’sh crap! You jusht don’t do that! He’s going to turn back the colock… like.. fifty yearsh. And ya’ll… that is… you.. all.. aren’t doing a damned thing about it!

No, don’t look at me like that Dianne. Di-anne. Feiinnnnsteeein. I know what you’re all thinking. But we have to stop thish man. And we have to do it with a filibush– a philly– a filly– talking a lot!

Di-anne! Oh, and shomething else. You people are crazy for letting that man Bush run thish place like this! He is friggin’ spying on Americahns!! Hasn’t anyone ever heard of the Conshstitution?? He’sh walking all over it! Get a spine, you Senatorsh!”

Kerry takes a swig from the empty can, discovers it’s empty, and throws it out into the chamber. A few Senators have to duck to dodge it.

“An’ another thing! Now, I know what you’re saying to yourshelfs. You’re saying, awwww he’sh just jealoush. He’s just angry becaushe he didn’t win the preshidency. But you’re wrong. I shee you shaking your head, Leahy. You bashtard. Stop shaking your head.

Leahy, I’m sorry. You’re my guy, Leahy. YOU’RE MY GUY! PAT! PATTY PAT PAT!

But yesh, Senatorsh. I am angry. I’m angry that we can let thish man get away with what he’sh doing! I’m angry that thish country is falling apart before my eyesh! I’m angry that the man in the White House hash filed “illegal wiretapps” and he’sh still there!

Here’s what we need to do, you bashtards. I don’t mean it, you’re all my friendsh! But what we need to do, friendsh… bastard friends…

What we need to do is stop this! Stop thish man in the White House! Bring back legishlative power! Get rid of this extremeishst, and put someone in the Supereme Court who hash the countries best intereshest in mind!

Instead of worrying about shtaying elected, let’s get our actsh together, and pass shome laws that mean something! Let’s get America back!

Let’s… I need another beer…”

Kerry passes out.

The chamber is silent for a second.

But then, applause bubbles up from among the ranks. And soon, it fills the chamber. Kerry, even though completely wasted, has spoken the truth! Alito is out, and Bush is impeached! A new Patriot Act is passed, except this time it secures our borders and solidifies international policies instead of infringing on American rights!

And all thanks to alcohol.

Something Really Funny About the Fact that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt Are Having a Baby!

Hey! What if..

Ah crap. I give up. I just don’t care.

I appear in today’s Zulkey.com.

Also, I was surprised this morning to recieve an email from “Dr. Pherotones” herself, the admirable Dr. Myra Vanderhood. She must be subscribed to the Technorati RSS feed for her site, because she was already kindly asking to link to the entry about it that I made yesterday. I said of course she could, and then I got another email back that I liked so much I will reprint it for you right here:

Thanks, hon. I love your blog…

-CD

Crazy! So Pherotones is soon to have a wiki, and I “might well be the first entry” on it! And who is this enigmatic “CD”?? I’m now more convinced than ever that this is some kind of viral marketing campaign. But even though I don’t know what it’s for, I’m totally behind it. I mean, c’mon, she said she loved my blog!

Shows That Will Appear on the New “CW” Network

Gilmore Girlfriends

America’s Next Top Supernatural

Eve-rwood

Everybody Hates Reba

The WWE’s Friday Night Smackdown Feauring Young Superman and Some Hot Girl Making Out

One & a Half Tree Hill

Veronica Mars (no joke here… I like this show, I hope it sticks around)

The Show That’s Not Nearly As Good As Arrested Development… Oh Wait, That’s All of Them

So I am kind of fascinated by this Pherotones thing. It’s a fake-looking site with ringtones– that’s right, little bits of music your cell phone plays– that are created by a place called the “Auditory Institute,” and claim to “spark passionate sexual responses in humans.” The site’s got a Dr. Vanderhood that you can IM (was away when I looked, but I’ve heard people have spoken with “her”), and a kitchy “As Seen On Web” icon that screams “spoof.” Or “marketing ploy.” Or some type of hoax, but I’m not strictly sure who or what they’re hoaxing.

At any rate, as a study in media, it’s awesome. I don’t really believe the tones can cause “sexual responses.” Or do I? I decided to try them out.

Testing Pherotones

What I did was I listened to each of the pherotones meant “for women” to attract men. That way, I could see if I was attracted at all to the pherotones. Since I’m not a woman, I don’t have any idea about the effectiveness of the tones to attract women. Some enterprising female blogger will have to find that out for herself.

1. “Last Kall”

It’s closing time, but don’t worry – you’re not going home alone. Just toss this flirty, playful Pherotone to the luckiest boy in the room and you’ll be going home with the kind of nice shy-guy who you know likes you, but is too reserved and classy to ever hit on you. He wants you; he just doesn’t know it yet. Remind him that the night is young.

I figured this one would be good for me. Not because I’m clubby or anything (which the track seems like it is), but because I figure I’m the “kind of nice shy-guy who you know likes you, but is too reserved and classy to ever hit on you.” It’s a bouncy little rising techno beat, but I don’t think it would work very well as a cell phone ring. It’s too muddy to be really interesting.

Rating: 2 out of 5

2. “Veni Veni Veni”

This Pherotone is not afraid to ask (inaudibly, of course) for more than enough. Crafted to find a man who takes pleasure in giving pleasure, over and over, multiple times, until all earthly desire finally evaporates from your consciousness, and you drift into a state of perfect bliss until you finally fall fast asleep. Not many men can do this. This Pherotone attracts men who love encores.

Dr. Vanderhood, you hussy! The description for this tone is at least a high PG-13! The tone itself is repetitive, so maybe that’s where they’re going with that. Personally, what I heard sounded like a chase scene to an old ’80s television show, one where the bad guy is a suit-wearin’ accountant type, running through a parking garage from a rogue cop or a misplaced urban cowboy. As a cell phone ring, it mostly makes me want to run.

Rating: 1 out of 5

3. “El Cuddlero”

Spanish is a romance language, but you won’t need words with this Pherotone designed to make an instant Bedroom Bandito out of any man in earshot. Sure that may sound “caliente,” but in practice, it’s a situation that can get a little too hot. That’s why the El Cuddlero Pherotone is unique. He knows how to spice things up, but he also understands how to cool things down after the fireworks with his sweet Spanish guitar. Ole!

Now this one I like. The name leaves a lot to be desired, though. Someone named “El-blank-o” has to be a badass, really, like El Conquistadero, or El Diablo. “YO SOY EL DIABLO, Y HOY ES LA DIA DE TU MUERTE!!” See? It doesn’t really work if you run in somewhere screaming “YO SOY EL CUDDLERO!” It just makes you think of that bear who’s always groping laundry. But the song itself is pretty good, like a slow midi Spanish riff. It’s like a Mexican soap opera theme song, and though there are a lot of weirdos on Mexican soap operas, the women (the young ones, anyway) always look pretty good.

Rating: 4 out of 5

4. “A Good Strong Man”

He thrives on commitment. He believes in you. And he’s going to rock your world. This potent Pherotone, made with subsonic texture enhancement, is a powerful lure to the secure, self-assured, successful men who know how to love a woman. Go ahead ladies, you deserve him.

Oh man, I read “strong,” and “going to rock your world,” and though it was time for a flashy ’80s rock anthem– I know a little Scorpions or Sabbath always gets me in the mood. Boy was I disappointed. This tune is so bad, Kenny G would hear it on an elevator and get off a floor early. You can just picture a Christian singer singing about how much he “loves you, Lord” over this one. This one on a woman’s cell phone wouldn’t just repel me– it’d make me wonder why she has such bad taste in music. Avoid at all costs.

Rating: 0 out of 5

And just for a control, I went ahead and tried one of the tones meant to attract women. Also, because I liked the idea behind it. Note that I did not make this up.

5. “The Wizard’s Sleeve”

Just because you are a fourth-level cleric-warrior-elf with a bag of gold, four soul daggers, and a magic fire emerald doesn’t mean you can’t also be lucky with the ladies. This Pherotone is more powerful than a 25-year-old Dungeon Master. So drop that book, turn in your 20-sided die, untuck your t-shirt and start casting your own spells for a change.

The description of this tune cracks me up for a number of reasons. First, it’s dead on (obviously). Second, it’s funny to me that the person who would really try to attract a woman with a cell phone ring probably is the same person who would roll a cleric-warrior-elf with four soul daggers. But of course the tone itself leaves something to be desired. It’s a really short midi jingle, something like you’d hear at the end of an old Saturday morning cartoon in the ’80s. Which means it reminds me of milk and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I’m not sure if that’s something women are attracted to or not, but I guess they’ll have to decide that for themselves.

Rating: 3 out of 5

Kanye West said: “If I don’t win Album of the Year [at the Grammys], I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

Which seems kind of like a dumb, egotistical thing for him to say, until you realize the sentiment really has a historical background that no one knows about.

Ug: “If fire doesn’t win Invention of the Year, I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

Jesus: “If I don’t resurrect in three days, I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

Galileo: “If these two cannonballs I’m dropping off the tower don’t hit that ground at the same time, I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

George Washington: “If we don’t make it across this river, I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

Adolph Hitler: “If we don’t kill all those Jews and gay people, I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

Albert Einstein: “If energy doesn’t equal mass times the speed of light squared, I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

Martin Luther King: “If we don’t get some civil rights soon, I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

Bill Gates: “If anybody needs more than 640k, I’m really going to have a problem with that.”

George W. Bush: “If I’m not allowed to become President under questionable legal circumstances, attack Iraq without legitimate cause, lie to the American people about it, be utterly incompetent in times of disaster, and, on top of all that, completely and obviously break the law of the land and then pretend that I had the executive right to do it, I’m really going to have a problem with that.

Tonight, I added a bunch of new pictures to my Flickr photostream. I figured that since I started paying for it, I should probably actually use it. Go check them out.

Things I Have Said to Myself (In Some Cases Regrettably) While Playing Mario Kart DS

“Man, that Yoshi is a fast mother****er!”

“I’m going to end this little punk for putting a fake item box right in front of the boost.”

“Oh hell no. Princess Daisy did not just do that to me.”

“Who’s number one? Mike’s number one!”

“That’s right, Waluigi, you lanky freak. It’s red shell time for you!”

“$*@#*$#ing #$(#@)*ed #($@)#(!! BLUE SHELL!!!” *turns game off*

I just put it on the sidebar, but if you haven’t read Al Gore’s MLK Day speech yet, you should. Years from now, people will either see it as the last gasp of American democracy, or (we can only hope) a turning point in the dark days.

The incredible Zulk posted something on Friday about finding out how you’ll die: just google “YOUR NAME was killed by”. Where, of course, YOUR NAME is your name.

How I’m Going to Die

Michael was killed by an arson fire in his Murray State University residence hall

Michael was killed by a Milwaukee police officer over a lawn mower

“I have to let the terrorist groups know that though Michael was killed by their hands”

Michael was killed by a man driving a Chevrolet Suburban backward up a curvy portion of Lafayette St. in Manhattan

Michael was killed by a severe blow to the head

Michael was killed by a Star .45, a gun designed to shoot high-powered ammunition. He didn’t have a chance.

Michael was killed by the Indians

Michael was killed by tarantulas. Belle, Maybelle, and Charles were killed by…I think birds. Jason had a heart attack. Clint’s wife was killed by a turtle.

Michael was killed by headhunters: by offering a high price for painted human skulls he was encouraging internal warfare, and this was realized by tribal leaders who apparently ordered that his own skull be stripped and painted.

Once in Rotterdam, King Michael was killed by his evil twin brother Hoa the Wannabe. Fortunately, the King had made himself a clone, just in case. (Whew! Looks like I’ll be OK after all! -ed.)

I don’t think I’ve said this yet, but I’ve been tutoring on Thursdays after school at 826CHI. This week, this kid came in and had to write limericks. She thought it was too hard, but I had a lot of fun. So I figured I’d try some of my own.

Limericks

There once was an author named Frey
Who wrote in a fictional way
But he said it was true,
And, well, wouldn’t you?
Heck, got him a deal with Doubleday.

Ms. Lohan, that crazy young starlet,
Wrote on a wall about Scarlett.
But Johansson just laughed
And said, “If you had half
Of my talent, you’d still be a harlot.”

A poor little kitty named Cy
Was unluckily born with one eye.
Though missing some parts,
He still stole our hearts.
Just look at the cute little guy!

I felt just a little bit cold
When I heard new MacBooks would be sold
Oh, sure they’re neat
And the new specs are sweet
But the one I’ve got’s only months old!

Since the games on the Nintendo DS are getting pretty good, I finally traded in the old Game Boy Advance (along with a few old games and movies) and picked one up.

I got Mario Kart and Animal Crossing with it. Mario Kart is a reason to buy the DS in itself, and playing it online, even though there are a few features missing, is probably the best experience I’ve had on a handheld since I played through Final Fantasy Adventure. And I loved Final Fantasy Adventure.

Since last night, I’ve been getting rocked by what I’m sure are nine year olds who play the game all the time, but it’s still really fun. I only started up Animal Crossing tonight, and while it seems really similar to the Gamecube version (which I played until the little animals got angry at me for not cleaning up all the weeds), I can’t wait to do the online stuff with that, too– visit other towns, and fishing contests and such.

So, if you’ve got a DS, and want to find me in game, here’s the codes:

Mario Kart: 300710-884286

Animal Crossing: 3007-1093-9460, character: Michael, town: Boomtown

And if you don’t have a DS, go out and get one. Seriously. Three laps online in the Waluigi Pinball course and you won’t regret it.

James Frey is in all kinds of trouble for supposedly lying in his “nonfiction” book. But as far as I can tell, no one would have cared about this if he hadn’t gone on Oprah. Watch, she’ll just invite him on again, and he’ll tearfully explain that he just wanted to tell a good story. And his book sales will keep rising.

In a preemptive effort to keep anyone at the Smoking Gun from discovering my dark secrets, I’ve decided to put them all here.

Things I’ve Lied About In My Writing

Unlike James Frey, I actually have been arrested. I just didn’t tell anyone.

I’ve never actually seen an armadillo in real life. I just guessed they had feathers on them.

That nice coat I bragged about buying did not actually cost over $100. I found it in the alley out back.

I did not get drunk on 85 proof rum and beat up a cop. It was more like 80 proof.

The laughing goblins I saw on my ether trip were more of a light blue than an actual green.

One of my characters, Sally, did not actually care for roses. I just felt that lent her a certain naivete about romance. Probably underminded, I realize, by her hot leather thong. But who could resist writing about one of those?

Everything I’ve ever written, including this sentence, is a lie! Think about that!

It Came From the Black Lagoon!

Hi! How are you?

Listen, I just kind of came into existence across the road there, and– Why are you screaming like that?

Please, there’s no reason to yell at me. Why are you grabbing your gun from behind the counter? That sign said Convenience Mart, if I’m not mistaken, and it’s not very convenient for you to be screaming at me and pointing that gun around.

So, please. Stop doing that. I’m not a threat.

Ok, I know, I look a little… unconventional. I am a creature dripping with black sludge, with two glowing voids for eyeballs. My mouth is a gaping maw of acidlike substance, and I’m– oh, gosh, I’m really sorry about that. I trudged that crap all over your floor, didn’t I? That is going to really be a pain to clean up, I can tell.

But listen, I’m really sorry about that. Can I blame my social inadequacies on the fact that I just sort of melted together in the black lagoon over there across the highway? Is that a valid excuse for my informality? I hope so.

I guess it’s really not.

What are you doing now? Are you calling the police? Look, you’ve got nothing to fear from me. This Convenience Mart is really all I know of this universe, and I just saw your big neon sign, and came in looking for– oh, well, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for. I mean, I don’t know what exists, so I guess I came in looking for… enlightenment. Or something akin to that. These Fritos might work. Oh, and a Red Bull. I’ll take both of these.

Now, really, you don’t have to call the police. I’ll pay– oh. You probably don’t take mud money, do you? How about sand dollars? HA!

Sand dollars? You’ve never heard of those? They’re like a snail thing, I don’t know.

Actually, I guess I’ve never heard of them either, come to think of it.

So, listen, what’s going on in this world? Is there anything big I should be concerned about? What’s on the political palate at the moment? Any major scandals I should be aware of, in case I get invited to any cultural cocktail parties?

Oh. Well you’re right about that. With the way I look, I’m not exactly in the cultural elite, am I?

Now what’s going on out there? The police are here? You jerk, I told you you had nothing to fear from me! We’ve just been here calmly conversing, haven’t we? Well, sure I didn’t pay for the Fritos, but we were talking about culture! And politics!

That’s it. I’m eating your head.

Chomp.

Now, hold on there, officer. I didn’t see you breaking in that door there, but this is not what it looks like. I didn’t mean to eat this guy’s head. Well, I did, but it was for a very good reason. It had to do with culture and politics.

Put that gun away!! Don’t shoot–

Wow!

You shot me! And– nothing! The bullets didn’t even affect me! Now that is just beyond the ken of normal biological science, isn’t it? I mean, sure, I pretty much zapped myself into existence earlier in the evening, which is already pretty far out there by normal scientific standards. And yes, I am a large, slimey monster. Normally unheard of, I know. But, even if none of that flew in the face of every scientific theory there is (and it all does), this whole bullet absorbing thing is a real kicker, isn’t it?

I guess I’ll have to eat your heads, too.

Tasty. Crunchy, and then gooey, but tasty.

Well now. So much for the people here. I hope the world doesn’t simply consist of all Convenience Marts, because from what I’ve learned in my admittedly short existence so far, they’re all pretty boring and, dare I repeat myself, inconvenient.

So I think it’s pilgrimage time. I’ll head off down that road, and find what I may find. It’s the world for me, I reckon. Off to discover the universe, and maybe, in doing so, discover a bit of myself.

That’s good. I should write that down. Swampy: The Biography. I can see it now. The advance will be great.

Anyway, off down the road. Maybe, if I’m lucky, I can find a couple of kids making out in the backseat of a car before morning. That should be fun.

Oh, and I almost forgot. AARRRRGGGHHHH. MGMGGGAAARRRGGGHH. Yes, that’s quite good.

RMARARIRIGIGHGHHHHH!

If you read Newcity magazine, you saw this article today.

A Shocking Discovery

I’m sure you were shocked, just as I am, to learn that Lindsay Lohan has in fact had both a drug problem AND eating disorder.

Talk about getting blindsided. No one could have seen something like this coming. Sure, you know that at least some of those other “B-list” actresses are probably “using” or “binging and purging.” You know the ones I’m talking about. Meryl Streep. Frances McDormand. All that talent has to come from somewhere, and it’s usually delivered by the snowman, if you know what I mean.

But someone like Lindsay Lohan! This poor girl was able to keep up both a singing and an acting career! Drugs is just not something you expect someone like her to do. I mean, sure, I heard about a party or two that she had attended, but I just figured it was all kool-aid and cookies. Maybe the occasional cider or two. But who could have figured she would have been using drugs?

And I have to say, I’m a little concerned about the other, lesser known victims here. Namely, other teenage girls. I don’t know if anyone’s noticed this, but Lindsay Lohan was a role model for many of them, and they just might be interested in mimicing the way she acts and looks. If she uses drugs, they might think it’s ok to do so!

And even worse, as far as I know, Lindsay Lohan was a pretty skinny girl. But now we hear that she was suffering from bulimia! Other teenage girls, who do look up to her, might not realize that she was doing all those things to look like that. I know it sounds a little extreme, but I’m just worried about their “self-image,” that’s all. Someone should probably look into that, you know?

But really. Lindsay Lohan and drugs and bulima. That’s a sentence I never thought I’d say. Next thing you know, Paris Hilton will announce that she’s been having sex!

I just noticed this morning that nominations for the 2006 Bloggies are up and open, so I figured now’s as good a time as any to point out how much this site has brought you over the past year. Just in case you want to, you know, vote for us on any number of categories, some which might include Best American Weblog, Most Humorous Weblog, or Best Kept Secret.

The Mikeschramm.com Year In Review, 2005

Kicked off the year on a lovely note, with a little piece called Findings.

On Valentine’s Day, Godzilla found love. I didn’t get any links or feedback on this, but it was one of my favorite pieces of the year.

In March, I wrote an open letter to the Girl Who Says Hey In That Hip Hop Sample. I didn’t ever hear back from her, but I kind of like it that way.

The most visited post of the year was A Conversation With a Guy in Line for the New Star Wars Movie, because it was linked to by many different weblogs, including Boing Boing, Defamer, and even USA Today’s Hip Clicks. I got kind of a big head about that.

There was some penguin trouble over at the Penguin Pens in Brookfield, and then, after buying World of Warcraft, I went on a little WoW inspired trip.

In the middle of July, we hit our 550th post. Sort of.

In early September, I was visited by a cat, and decided to tell you about it on Talk Like a Pirate Day. I liked messing with language so much that soon after, my coworker and I formed our own phrase (that, unfortunately, has not completely caught on. yet.)

Since the most popular article of 2004 was about Lindsay Lohan, I decided to write about her again. And again.

I made fun of Uwe Boll. Not much to say about that. It’s pretty easy.

And when some strange trouble went down on the Desperate Housewives set, I decided to set the ABC employees straight, and in doing so made my favorite joke of mine of the year (if in fact I’m allowed to have one of those). It’s the “Bank of Your Pants” joke. Makes me laugh every time I think of it.

Finally, we finished off the year with a little tech support for Santa.

To everyone who read, linked, or even subscribed to the RSS feed for mikeschramm.com this year, thanks. I had tons of fun marking out my little corner of the web, and I appreciate that you were nice enough to come and visit. Make sure to come back– I’m sure it’ll be a great 2006.