Archive for December, 2005

The other weekend I went out to the Hilton at O’Hare and visited a Major League Gaming videogame tournament. About six hundred people showed up at the hotel ballroom to play Halo 2 and Super Smash Brothers until a) their brains fell out of their heads, and b) one of them was crowned king. I went on Friday night, and actually found it pretty boring. It was mostly kids, and the presentation itself wasn’t great– there were just about 30 different setups of four networked Xboxes on four TVs for eight players each, and they were running through the brackets one by one. Fun if you’re playing, kind of boring if you’re not. I wrote it up as a piece for Newcity, so if they run with it, it should show up this week or next.

But the most interesting time I had personally didn’t even show up in the article. Ubisoft’s girl gamerclan the Fragdolls were there showing off Ubisoft games. This is a group of girls, hired by Ubisoft (a gaming company, for those of who you don’t know) to play in tournaments and promote their games. I walked over to say hi, and met Jinx. None of the little interview I did with her made it into the Newcity article, but here’s the entire thing from start to finish for your New Year’s reading pleasure.

Interview with Jinx, a Fragdoll

So you guys are showing off Ubisoft titles specifically?

Primarily– that’s what they gave us money to practice on. We play a lot of Ghost Recon, Rainbow Six, Splinter Cell. Far Cry, which is what we’ve got here this time. So that’s mostly what’s going on.

How many of you are here today?

There’s only four of us here today. There’s six total, and we’re recruiting two more.

Are you recruiting them from real players in the tournament?

We’re hoping to, because we need kickass players, and this is the place to find them. So we’re encouraging all the girls here to apply.

MLG’s big thing is that they want to turn this into a sport. Do you think that videogaming is a sport?

I think for sure it’s heading in that direction. It’s definitely a spectator sport if done the right way, and there’s a lot of experiementation going on– people are trying to figure out how it needs to be done to make it a spectator sport. As soon as that catches on I think it’ll do really well. They have all gaming channels in Korea, it’s just that it hasn’t caught on here quite that much.

And the question is, of course, why hasn’t it caught on in America?

For one I think that a lot of Americans are a little bit jaded. They’re a little bit too cool for it. We have one gaming channel and that’s G4, and even hardcore gamers go, “Oh, yeah, I’m too cool for that.” It’s elitism in my opinion. But I think that as it becomes more mainstream, and as more people get interested in, “Oh, look at this gaming,” and “Oh, my gosh, people are making hundreds of thousands of dollars,” that we’ll see more people be interested in it, not just competing, but also spectating and seeing what’s going on.

You said it’s a spectator sport if it’s done right– have they done it right here?

Yeah, I think so. For one, the audience that is watching the matches is very hardcore. They know all these players, they know what’s going on. They don’t need an update, they don’t need an introduction, you can just throw them in, they can watch it, and they know what’s going on. Also, it’s inherently really tense to watch two amazing teams compete, because it becomes a huge game of cat and mouse. And the way they play it, as a professional sport, I think really gets to the crowd here.

How’d you get recruited by Fragdolls?

I actually used to play an online game called Shadowbane. I was really involved in the community there. I was involved in the beta, I ran a fansite, and I got to know a couple of the developers. So when Ubisoft decided to put Fragdolls together and some of the Ubisoft affiliated developers saw it, they said, “Hey, seriously, you need to try out for this.” And they liked me enough to offer me a spot on the team.

So it was that you knew someone– there weren’t like tests of–

There were. I had to make it through all of those, but the way that I found out about how to apply at all was through people I knew showing it to me. We had to compete against each other in a couple of different titles, Splinter Cell and Rainbow Six primarily, and that was really tough.

Splinter Cell multiplayer is kind of crazy.

Yeah, but that’s my game.

Is it more hardcore gamers that belong in these types of tournaments, or do you want more casual gamers to come and try out?

I think it’s really important to make sure that you have the support of hardcore gamers, because they lend it legitimacy that it wouldn’t have otherwise. But at the same time, a lot of hardcore gamers forget that mainstream gamers are a huge part of what keeps the industry alive. So we do need to get mainstream gamers interested for any of us to continue.

Here’s where I stopped recording, unfortunately. I asked her what other games she was interested in, and she said that, especially traveling, the Animal Crossing DS game was eating her time away. I told her about my experience with the Gamecube version (all the animals are pissed at me now because I haven’t picked it up in months), and she said that it was even more addictive on the DS because you carried with you everywhere and played all the time.

Even though she did her shilling (that’s what she’s being paid to be there for) and defended G4 (inexcusable, I know), I thought she had a pretty good grasp on gaming. Not as good a grasp as, say, me, but pretty good all the same. Can’t say I agreed with her that the tournament we were at did spectator sports right, but I have to give it up for anybody who could take me to school at Splinter Cell multiplayer. That thing is hard.

Free Stock Photos

The FAA has given space tourism a go!

Aboard RocketSpace Airlines

Good evening, RocketSpace passengers, this is your space captain speaking.

We’ll be lifting off from the spaceport here in just a few minutes, so while we have some time, I’d like to go over some of the particulars of your upcoming spaceflight.

First of all, we have to cover the safety procedures. While we here at RocketSpace will of course take every precaution to protect you during your trip, you must know ahead of time that there is a chance, however slim, that we may in fact crash during the voyage. There are lots of things out there in space, and if we hit one, we’re pretty much doomed.

Not to mention that lots of space is as of yet uncharted. Who knows what we’ll run into out there! We might find a new constellation, a new planet forming, or even a never before discovered flesh eating bacteria that will cause us all to die lonely, extremely long and painful deaths in the inky blackness of space! How exciting!

If you’ll follow the arrows down the side of the cabin, you’ll note that they lead to emergency exit doors. Please do not open these, even in the case of an emergency. If you open them, we will all die– if not from lack of oxygen, at least from lack of air pressure. If they are opened too fast, our little heads will all explode inside our space helmets. So that’s a space no-no for you. But don’t worry too much about that.

In just a few minutes, the space stewardesses will be coming around with your in-flight space meal. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the space chicken, or, if you’ve ordered vegetarian, the zero gravity grown space broccoli. After that, if you’d like to enjoy one of our space movies– say, Space Jam, or Mickey Blue Eyes, you may do so.

Please remember that while on board there is no space smoking. Please be space considerate of the others around you, and refrain from making any unnecessary space noise. If you have a space question, be sure to ask a space attendant.

Oh, and if it gets a little cold back there, we’ll be happy to bring you a space heater.

Thanks again for flying RocketSpace, have a great flight.

5 Best Freeware Games of 2005

The other day, I checked my server logs for this site for the first time in a while, and was suprised to note that not only was “springerle recipe” the number one thing people searched for to find this site, but the words “springerle cookie recipe” in some order appeared not once but five times in the search results. Apparently the Internet wants to know how to make springerle. And since I am nothing if not helpful, I went to the expert: My mom. And she gave me a recipe from another expert: her mom.

Grandma Lohrmann’s Springerle Cookies

4 cups flour
4 eggs
2 cups granulated sugar
“butter the size of a walnut”
3 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon anise extract
1/4 teaspoon baking soda
dash of salt
crushed anise seed

Beat the eggs about five minutes. Add sugar and butter together and then add the well beaten eggs. Sift together the dry ingredients, and add to the former. Mix all together until very stiff, let sit out about 3 hours on crushed anise seed on a greased cookie sheet.

Roll the dough out, or press it with springerle molds (be sure to find some with little pictures of important events in the life of Martin Luther for that good German Lutheran feel). Let them sit out uncovered overnight to dry out.

Then bake at about 325 degrees for 10 to 12 minutes.

Optionally, you can make the chocolate version: mix about 1/2 the dough with 4 teas. cocoa powder (or a square of chocolate) and a tablespoon of butter after it has sat out for the first time.

Enjoy!

2005 Foot-in-Mouth Awards
WoW Shaman bug
best fonts of 2005

I’m leaving for St. Louis tomorrow afternoon for the Christmas weekend, and I’ll be back the middle of next week. Here’s hoping you and yours have a Happy Holidays!

From: kringle@northpole.org
To: support@sleightech.com
Subject: Compatibility problem

Hello sleightech support,

I’ve been using your sleighs for years. While I very much enjoyed the analog models for a long time, the elves have finally convinced me to upgrade to your new SleighXP model. I’ve already taken it out for a few trial runs, but I think I’m still having a little problem.

I’ve installed all of your recommended modules, including the old Blitzer, Prancer, and Dasher plugins. I even installed the brand new Rudolph beta, but that’s the one I think I’m having a problem with. Every time I try to include it in the runtime, I keep getting thrown a NameCalling error. Apparently none of the other modules want to run Reindeer game simulations with the Rudolph beta. Is this a known bug? Or am I running something incorrectly?

Kris Kringle

From: econlon@sleightech.com
To: kringle@northpole.org
Subject: Re: Compatibility problem

Mr. Kringle,

Thanks for your note. We appreciate your business, and we’re happy to help you with your problem. Are you running the modules in correct order? Keep in mind that they do need to be loaded in a specific configuration order. Also, this NameCalling error– does it include Laughing? If the modules are running the Laughing process at each other, we may have bigger issues in play.

Finally, make sure that Rudolph’s RedNose toggle is set to ‘on.’ That might account for a discrepancy as well. Let me know what you find.

Ed Conlon

Ed Conlon
Technical Support Manager
Sleightech, Inc. “Getting you there with bells on”

From: kringle@northpole.org
To: econlon@sleightech.com
Subject: Re: Compatibility problem

Hey Ed,

Thanks for your quick reply– you’re definitely going in the “good” MySQL table.

As for the problem, I did check what you asked. I am definitely calling them in order– You know, “Dasher and Dancer and Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid and Donner and Blitzen.” But again, you’ll recall, I’m having issues with the most famous plugin of all: the Rudolph beta (I read about it on both Slashdot and Digg).

The NameCalling error does include a Laughing process– apparently the other modules are both Laughing at Rudolph and NameCalling at the same time.

But I checked, and the RedNose toggle was not, I repeat not, set to ‘on.’ Does that make a difference? Please let me know as soon as possible, as I have a large flight project due by the 25th, and I’m pretty sure skies may be foggy at that time. Thanks again for your help.

Kris Kringle

From: econlon@sleightech.com
To: kringle@northpole.org
Subject: Re: Compatibility problem

Kris,

That will do it! The Rudolph beta is actually a guidance module. Not only does the RedNose toggle need to be set to ‘on,’ but he needs to be placed at the end of the load order– namely, the head of the run sequence. Set his RedNose on, and place him in the guidance of your system. After that it should be easy flying.

Ed Conlon

Ed Conlon
Technical Support Manager
Sleightech, Inc. “Getting you there with bells on”

From: kringle@northpole.org
To: econlon@sleightech.com
Subject: Re: Compatibility problem

Ed,

Amazing! I did what you said, and that RedNose is terrific! I fully expect my flight project to go perfectly, despite the fog. Also, as soon as the other modules ran under the Rudolph beta, the NameCalling and Laughing processes reset, and I finally got the ShoutedwithGlee process running. You guys have done a great thing here! This module you’ve created will surly go down in his-tor-ee!

Thanks again– and be sure to look for something nice under your tree, Ed! Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Kris Kringle

Actress slapped during shooting hours?
Grab Bag 12.21

Today’s a grab bag!

I just watched the Nip/Tuck season finale. That show is messed up, but still great (I liked the finale a lot, even though it was kind of obvious). Blogger Lindsay Roberts puts it best: “I watch Nip/Tuck every week, because I’m 100% convinced that the entire show is based upon a contest in the writer’s room to come up with the most outrageously wrong plot twists.”

The Best Joke I’ve Heard So Far This Week

Q: How do you get twenty Canadians out of a swimming pool?

A: You say, “Hey guys, could you get out of that pool?”

BONUS:

The Craziest Headline I Saw Today

“Elton John Gets Unionized”

more great year-end music

CNN ran an article about the leader of Iran banning Western music from his country, and they ran a poll on the side (it may be gone by now) that asked, “Whose music would you most like to ban?” Available choices were Eric Clapton, The Eagles, George Michael, and Kenny G.

Other CNN NewsPolls

“Which western leader would you like to denounce as a heathen imperialist?”

“Which foreign government would you like to execute a bloody coup against, installing an extremist dictator in its place?”

“What famous and controversial political documents would you like to burn in the streets?”

“Which embassies would you like to blow up?”

“Which political prisoners would you like to torture and/or incarcerate unjustly?”

“Which past, clearly documented historical event would you like to deny as myth?”

“Which race would you like to genocide?”

awesome bike crash game
10 Apps Every New Mac User Should Download

Oh. my. gosh. It was cold in Chicago today.

Things It Was As Cold As Today

Cold-flavored icicles.

When you know someone wants the last cupcake, but you eat it anyway. That’s cold.

Vichyssois (“It’s supposed to be cold.”*)

The chilly touch of death.

Brain freeze.

Dry ice (I would also have accepted “absolute zero” as a science answer).

The news that Yahoo! bought del.icio.us. (Oh, I’m sorry, that’s really “old.”)

A penguin’s nose (Answer contributed by co-worker Jason).

The dark void of space.

The girl at Best Buy when I told her how excited I was to watch season four of 24.

*Name the movie.

apparently Google > Thought
Cute Overload! ;)
Snow 12.15

Haiku

The silky snow falls
in flakes to the cold pavement.
I decide to stay.

WoW Funeral
Essential Wireless Hacking Tools
CG picture
Petopia
I'm Kind of a Big Deal
200 days played
night elf dance
top 50 singles of the year
Thomas and the Magical Words
Mixin' it up with Santa
friendster suicide

Hillary Clinton came to Chicago last weekend, and I wrote about it for Newcity.

While riding on the bus, I found this religious tract, and I liked it so much, I’ve reprinted it in part below. Note: Unlike almost everything else I publish here, I did not write this. It’s credited to someone named D.W. Matter. Just so you don’t think I write this badly, or, depending on what you think of this piece, this well.

See if you can find my favorite unintentional joke. Hint: it starts with a C.

“I Want to Go to Hell”

By D. W. Matter

“I want to go to hell!” stated a ten-year-old boy, “Because I want to be with my Dad; and so that I can go and get his cigarettes for him.” What an influence that father is having over his son! What a highway of influence that father is paving for his boy to travel!

There are thousands of parents spending their time drinking and dancing in taverns and coming home cursing, smoking and fighting. What an influence for a child! What conduct for any father or mother!

Why wonder at all the juvenile deliquency, when our teen-age boys and girls are following their parents’ example of crowding the beer taverns and flooding our streets with wrecked characters? Our prisons are filling with criminals and prostitutes from fourteen to twenty years of age.

Father! Mother! Are you setting the example that is leading our American youth down to the gutters of shame and debauchery? We have wholesale divorce, wrecked homes, and orphans all because of a generation of lust-craving, immoral, drunken, pleasure-mad parents who care nothing for the future of their children.

The harvest is great, and America shall reap what she is sowing: drunkards, criminals, unwed mothers, wrecked youths, infidelity, and communism.

If someone should step up to your child today and ask him to attend Sunday school next Sunday, would he answer, “No, I want to go to hell so I can be with my daddy or mother”? Friend, is that the kind of influence that your life is having upon your children? If it is, Jesus would like to change it for you if you will let Him.

Will you come to Him confessing your sins with a sorrow that will make you quit your wickedness and live for God? America’s only hope is in God and an old-fashioned turning to God. Will you, my friend, be one of the first?

If we confess our sins, he [Jesus] is faithful and just to forgive our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (I John 1:9).

“But except ye repent ye shall all likewise perish” (Luke 13:3).

snowsaver
christmas pac man tee

BellSouth has withdrawn their donation to rebuilding New Orleans after finding out that NO is planning to create a state of the art, free wifi network.

Phone Call to New Orleans from BellSouth CEO Duane Ackerman

Hello?

New Orleans?

Hi, this is BellSouth CEO Duane Ackerman calling. Hi! How are you?

I’m good. Good to hear that you’re good too. Especially after all that, y’know, hurricane and stuff. You guys got pretty washed out, down there didn’t you?

Oh, well I didn’t mean anything by it. No, I’m sure things were bad. I saw. On MSNBC. Well, not “washed out,” then.

Yes, I realize it was a tragedy. I understand. I’m sorry I joked about it. I take that back.

So, listen, about taking things back–

What’s that? Oh, really? The new building is coming along great, huh? Well that’s good. We were very excited to give that to you, especially after what you’ve all been through.

Yes, we enjoyed being on TV for it, too. I’m glad you had fun.

But listen, New Orleans, we have to talk about something. There’s a reason I’m calling.

Well, I kind of heard that you’re building a free wifi network down there.

Oh, yes, I know, they are very neat.

Yes, I did hear about Google doing that in San Francisco. Well, I guess you guys could definitely be a model for future urban development. I understand that you do have a good chance to show the world exactly what a twenty first century city could look like.

But you see, that’s kind of what we’re worried about.

Well, in the 21st century, it’s a pretty feasible idea that nobody will actually have to pay for access to the Internet. With technology going the way it is, with computing power cheaper and broadcasting technology much more powerful every few months, it does seem pretty likely that access to the Internet might actually become free.

And you see, New Orleans, that’s kind of what we’re worried about.

What? Oh, well, that’s kind of what we do now. We’re the ones who charge for access to the Internet. And if it’s free– well, you see the position we would be in.

Oh, you don’t? Well– where would we get our money from?

Tech support? Ha! I’m sorry– we don’t do that. Well, we don’t do that very well.

You see, New Orleans, we’re kind of left to fight for our business. And I don’t like fighting for anything– heck, I don’t even like working! My kids have to get their $400 Xboxes and $300 PSPs somehow, and if I don’t do it by exploiting something that might well be free, I’m not going to be able to do it at all.

Right. So, because you’re so interested in this free wifi thing, we’re pulling the plug on your new police building.

I know, I know, it’s a bummer. But you see, we feel so selfishly about our own business needs, that we’d rather your police department suffers for it. Sure, they have nothing to do with any of this, and yes, we donated the building as if it was a charity, but since we disagree with your actions because they will probably cost us money we don’t deserve, I’m afraid we’ll have to take our donation back.

Well, yes, I know you’ve been through a hurricane. I said that before. But no, we’re still taking it back. Sorry about that, New Orleans– you should have realized not to mess with our hokey business model before taking something we “donated” to you.

Oh, and I think I should hang up now. We were just talking to Wal-Mart, and they said something about calling you to make sure they could build three superstores in the French Quarter, or else. Oh, and I’m pretty sure Charter Communications wanted to get in touch with you too, just in case you were planning to offer anything but their cable to all your returning refugees.

So I’m sure you’ve got a lot of rebuilding to do, New Orleans. I’ll let you go.

Yes, again, I already said I realized you had the chance to build a model city for the 21st century, but as I told you, before you think about what’s right for your citizens, you should have thought about what was right for corporations. After all, they’re the only ones who matter.

Ok, now you’re just screaming unintelligibly at me. Buh bye now. OK.

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Ask a Guitar Hero!
it's baaaaaack

Earlier this week, a guy named Thomas Hawk posted to his blog about what a bad customer experience he’d had at a place called PriceRitePhoto in New York City. The story caroomed around the blogsphere, the business got assaulted by readers, and the company eventually got removed from Yahoo and Pricegrabber listings. By the end of the week, the company had reported losing thousands of dollars worth of business, and had sent the guy an apology letter directly from the company’s CEO. Behold, the power of blogs.

In that interest, I’ve decided to list…

Things I’d Like to Get Fixed By the Blogosphere

My street is not very salted. Doesn’t it suck when there’s ice all over the place?

My television reception isn’t very good. I don’t have cable, so either I would like television stations to broadcast stronger signals, or the cable companies to sell their cable for cheaper.

I’ve noticed, also, that the new Xbox 360 games are going to cost $60 instead of the $50 that new videogames usually cost. Please reverse this trend.

In World of Warcraft, I’ve been playing a Warrior. Please, everyone, email Blizzard, even if you don’t play the game, and tell them that warriors need to be easier to play. Specifically warriors named Tankey.

There need to be better movies out. And Uwe Boll shouldn’t make any more. Ever.

Why is U2 everywhere? Please make Bono and company go away for like five or six years. If they do so, I will gladly attend their reunion tour, because by then, they will probably be a nostalgia thing.

I think there should be more new foods. I don’t mean like new types of foods, or new mixes of foods, I mean completely new foods.

Finally, the girl at the coffee shop where I go every morning always seems very mean. Polite, but cold. Even when I tip! She should be nicer.

Kotaku quits WoW
a family media company calls Stubbs a cannibal
An Apology Letter From Ed Lopez, Owner of PriceRitePhoto



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